I said goodbye to an old friend today: my trusty 2009 F150, my pride and joy for many years. It was the first new vehicle I ever bought, and carried me on countless adventures all over the western US. Gone before its time: hit by a drunk Bay Area feminist a while back, then by an illegal immigrant a few months ago. I loved that truck more than I love most actual people. Farewell, old friend.

It’s not lost on me the irony of a country boy’s beloved pickup truck being taken from him by a San Francisco liberal female and an illegal immigrant.